Entry 8

Today has been my day of preparation for the weeks ahead. I have planed something to do everyday for a few weeks. Tomorrow my plan begins with me going to the library to do as much work as possible, and then i will go to the gym, so i should be busy for most of the day. Today i woke up at around 9 to take Henry to the vets, and when i got back home at around 10, i went back to bed until about 13:15 when i had to get up for my counselling, so i have had a very lazy day. I have spent the day planning out the next few weeks and preparing myself for tomorrow. I haven’t given myself any time to think about my boyfriend but i know that in the next few hours i will have to stop distracting myself and i will probably cry. The reason i got upset and cried last night was because i felt lonely, like i used to feel before i had a boyfriend, like i felt when i was at school. I hate feeling that way because the only way i know to stop the loneliness is to be with my boyfriend. I have not found any way other than this so far… but i hope to figure that out when i start DBT because i just cannot go on like this forever. It is draining. I am tired of feeling everything. All the time. I am so tired. I keep listening to sad songs and watching sad movies to give me another reason to be sad. To make me feel less empty. Less broken.

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