I was happy about 2 minutes ago. Then i got a text from my boyfriend. It said that he had to go to hockey and then he was going to go for some drinks afterwards. I feel like my heart has just fallen out. I honestly wish he hadn’t told me about going for drinks because that is a big trigger for me. I went from happy, to so fucking angry, and sad, and anxious, and scared, and lonely…. all in a matter of seconds. It is the worst feeling imaginable and i have no clue how to handle it. The only thing that makes me feel a slight bit better in these situations is hurting myself. I just keep thinking, what is the point in this. I can’t do this. I want a drink so much right now, but my family have me on an alcohol ban… So i had a pretty shitty night. I have cried, i have cut, i have drank. Nothing seemed to make me feel better and that is all i want. To feel okay, or to feel happy, is the ultimate goal. I spilled everything about how i have been feeling to my boyfriend. I am not too sure how he took it. I am now worrying that i told him too much, and that he will think of me as being ‘broken’ from now on. But he is coming over on Saturday night to see me so i have that to focus on.