Entry 18

Today, i got up, showered, got dressed, and put a little bit of make up on. My mum made me go with her to the tattoo studio where she was having a new tattoo done. She didn’t want to leave me home alone because i haven’t been doing to good lately. I stayed there for a couple of hours, but then became very tired and decided to get the bus home. So i got home, i wasn’t feeling too happy and had been feeling low for the last couple of hours, so i ended up just sitting listening to music for a few hours, and then eventually had a nap. When i woke up i didn’t feel any better but had to put on some nice clothes because the family was going out for food for my mum’s birthday. The whole time i was out, i felt on edge, like something wasn’t quite right. I have been panicking a lot lately every time i think about my boyfriends plan to go out drinking with his friends in a few weeks. I can’t get it out of my head and the thought of it makes me feel so sick. It is the worst feeling and whenever i feel the intense emotion, it makes me feel like there is no point to anything. That i will never get better. That the only way to escape the immense pain, is to not be alive anymore. So i want to have an action plan for when he does go out in a few weeks. Because i am very worried about what i will do if i have to feel that pain. So, i am going to the doctors in a few days, and hopefully, they can give me something that will send me to sleep and calm me down because i honestly don’t think i will make it through the night otherwise.

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