Entry 34

My mum woke me up at about 10:30 today because i had promised my grandma that i would dye and curl her hair. So i got up to do that and when i had pit the dye on, it had to be left for 30 minutes, so i went upstairs and got back into bed. My mum called me back down after 30 minutes and i finished off her hair. It was about 13:00 by the time i was done, so i went back upstairs, and got into bed. I was messaging my boyfriend and i was being pretty off with him at the time even though he had done nothing wrong. I hate myself for that. He was supposed to be coming over today but something came up so he couldn’t. I took this to heart. In the moment, all i could think was that he didn’t want to see me and that he preferred to be with his friends to me. Which really hurt. So i cried. And then told him i was going to sleep. It was about 18:00 at this point. I self-harmed, cried, and then went to sleep. I kept waking up every few hours because i was not even a little bit tired but i was just done with the day. I wanted to wake up tomorrow feeling better. My boyfriend said that he would be at my house at around midday. So i tried to focus on that and not the fact that i felt like he didn’t want to see me. I know this feeling is unreasonable and irrational but it is what i felt.

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